When should you call a girl? PART II

So, you hate nothing more than calling a girl up after you got her phone number? You’re unsure about how long you should wait before doing it?

 

I am going to make it really concrete for you guys and share an interesting anecdote with you.

 

I live in Amsterdam, Capital of The Netherlands. There are countless things I love about living here but a warm sunny weather isn’t one of them. Winters are long and rainy here. So when the sun shines in mid-April and it suddenly feels like summer, there’s only one thing to do: pack your stuff and head to the beach. Occasions are too rare to miss one.

 

So that’s exactly what I did on one of these God-given April days. As it happens, a friend of mine, a gorgeous dancer with a sexy accent, was visiting for the week-end. We got to the beach round 3PM just in time to enjoy a bit of sun. A couple of hours later, we started drinking chilled wine with some friends at one of Zandvoort’s countless beach bars. 

 

I spotted a couple of pretty girls sitting at a nearby table. I made a point of not looking in their direction. What exactly would be the point of attempting eye-contact when both of them are wearing sunglasses anyway? Yet somehow, I could sense they had spotted me too. 

 

Anyway, we went through the first bottle like crap through a goose. It was my turn to get the next round so I got up and took the ice bucket and the empty bottle under my arm. On my way to the bar, I crossed the terrace and stopped briefly at the girls table. “Two more white wines?” I asked in the exact same tone of voice a waiter would have used.

 

“Yes, please” they said with an expression that revealed a slight confusion which I wasn’t too eager to diffuse.

 

And so I came back with a full bottle of wine for my friends and left two glasses of Chardonnay on their table. I kept walking and headed to my friends. We were having an amazing time together and I suddenly felt the urge to improvise a little bit of salsa dancing with my cute leggy friend. There we were, laughing and dancing under a bright blue sky. Can you think of any better way to replenish your emotional battery after a long cold winter? Me neither.

 

I was still doing my best to not make eye contact with the blonde and the brunette. But my peripheral vision, or was it my sixth sense, was telling me that these two were now checking me out. 

 

At some point, I felt that it was about time to go and meet them. I walked over to them and simply asked if I could sit. They smiled and gladly invited me to their table. I initiated the conversation in the most simple and casual way, a million light-years away from any kind of fancy openers. 

 

- Cheers. Are you guys from around here?

- Well no, actually we’re from Amsterdam. We came here for the day. Such an amazing weather you know…

- Tell me about it, I have lived here for a few years now and I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to chill at the beach. It’s Heaven, really.

- Oh, so where are you from?

 

And there I was with two cheerful pretty girls asking me personal questions. I learnt a bit about them and teased them just enough to keep this light and entertaining. The whole conversation lasted for no more than 5 minutes. Somehow, I thought this was long enough to bail out. Truth is: I wanted to get back to my friends and take the next train to Amsterdam for a night-out. 

 

- Look, I am going out with my friends tonight. You guys should join. Do you have a phone number?

 

We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to keep in touch later that evening. My phone was still in my friend’s purse when the blonde girl called a couple of hours later. My friend was running some errands in town while I was at my place taking a shower and getting ready for the night. So she picked up the phone on my behalf and informed the blonde girl that I couldn’t pick up the phone. I did return the call eventually and we spent a few months together.

 

What’s interesting here is that I never had to worry about WHEN I should call or WHAT I could possibly say to her IF she picked up the phone. The ball was rolling. I had triggered her curiosity and interest enough for HER to call. When you create enough attraction, phone game is the least of your concerns. And yes, even with a hot blonde actress like the girl in the story.

 

In that case, I had social proof and preselection on my side: laughing with friends, dancing with a gorgeous girl and a female voice answering my calls. I teased their curiosity: they wondered for a moment if I was the waiter or a customer. In other words, I wasn’t needy to the point that they weren’t sure I was even hitting on them at first. And when I did, I kept it short, light and simple. They knew a bit about my background story and I knew a little bit about theirs: just enough to not be mere strangers anymore. Last but not least, I was the guy with entertaining options for the night and fun parties to crash.

 

In short, I had my basics right. And that’s all there is to it. 

 

You know that vibrant feeling when you walk away from a short yet dynamic and fun interaction. Sure, you have her phone number in your pocket and you will dial it soon but you know straight off the bat that calling her will be a breeze. Because you got the ball rolling and you generated MOMENTUM.

 

Remember guys: attraction is all about energy. If you didn’t generate that momentum from the get-go, the first phone call is going to be tedious and you’ll start from scratch. It’s like trying to get a boulder in motion. And that’s why calling back your hard earned phone numbers makes you feel like some sort of a modern day Sisyphus.

 

On the other hand, when sparks were flying, you can call any time you FEEL like it. You’ll get right back in that moment you had with her on the first encounter. It will seem as effortless as calling your best buddy to go get a beer together. And that’s exactly how it should feel. 

 

I practice this all the time, sometimes with a simple text message the next morning:

“Did you make it home last night? I bet you were still singing la Vidaaaa Locaaa in your sleep.”

 

Not the greatest piece of literature produced in this century right? Yet, the phone rings back 10 Goddamn minutes later:

 

“Don’t make fun of me, I am still recovering. Still up for a drink on Monday? X”

 

And they all told you: text messages suck. And yes they do. But if a girl really wants to see you, they work just fine.

 

Getting her phone number is not a goal in itself. Some girls will give out their phone number, or just any random number, just for the heck of it. What matters is whether or not you CONNECTED with her DURING your interaction. We’ll say more about the signs which reveal her interest in an upcoming article.

 

Remember guys: Phone game never turns shit into gold.

 

Jerem said (05.02.2011 12:05):

Completely agree with you. I think success rate on the first phone call depends a lot on how you closed the conversation earlier. Taking a number and saying "thanks" is just not good enough. I usually try to build up the next step already... by saying something like "we can do this and that. It will be fun" or even better, make her say why she wants to call me back (bolder approach, but works)

Krzysztof said (23.02.2010 16:17):

This is golden!