Trick or Treat: should you be a nice guy or a jerk?

When it comes to the game of love and relationships, the whole point is how one balance pleasure and pain to enhance the emotions of his or partner. Pretty much in the same fashion as a cocktail barman mixing sweet and sour for optimal enjoyment. One of the reasons why true seduction artists are about as rare as outstanding cocktail bars is that most men use too much of one or the other instead of striving to achieve the perfect balance.

As a result, women contemplating a relationship with a man they just met usually find themselves in a case of Trick or Treat. Whichever card she picks will leave her unsatisfied. Here’s why.

Treat : treat me right, keep it light

If she picks the ‘Treat’ card, then she will have the sweetest of men. One that will shower her with compliments, tenderness and all the attention she always said she wanted and never found. You know the kind of man that comes right out of a romantic comedy, looks her straight in the eye and shoots cheesy one-liners that sounds like the chorus of a Bryan Adams ballad. Now, this may sound very nice and romantic and it may be… for a while. However, I doubt that any woman in her right mind would want to spend much time with a man that idolizes her. It usually starts with the little things: he won’t let her pay for a drink, will always initiates the calls, let her free to choose the time and place of the date and refrain from ever saying anything that might offend her… Yawn… Now, she may have the smile of Scarlett Johansson but if she really wanted a harmless pet, she’d buy a Chihuahua. So get a grip on yourself and stop acting like a love bear.

Trick: trick me once, never gonna trick me twice

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you will find jerks. Let’s try a definition of ‘jerk’ here: he won’t call, won’t cuddle, won’t compliment, lie about his whereabouts and generally act like she’s the last thing on his mind… except of course if he’s horny. Nice guys could spend a lifetime scratching their heads in disbelief. “Why would she stay with such a jerk? I would treat her sooooo well.”
Scratch no more. A study from Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois based on a survey of more than 35.000 people in 57 countries revealed that men presenting the dark triad of personality traits were considerably more successful in their mating strategies. Before you ask, here’s the traditional Dark Triad:

1. Self-obsession of narcissism
2. Impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behavior of psychopaths
3. Deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism

Now, before you go out there and turn from Jekyll to Hyde it might be interesting to figure out just how much of this you may want to add to your cocktail.

A perfect cocktail: bittersweet and light

Nice guys do nice things, say nice things yet fail to make an impression while jerks seem to send women spiraling in a vortex of self-doubt and frustration. Neither strategy seems very likely to bring pleasure and happiness, let alone fulfillment. Experience usually teaches that nothing is black or white, especially in the matters of love. So in order to strike the perfect balance of good and evil that will sweep her off her feet, I strongly recommend that nice guys rip a page off the bad boy manual and start applying some of the most potent tricks in the game. If I had to choose one, it would be the following: disinterest creates interest. If you walk up to a car salesman and say: “This is my dream car, how much do you sell it?” your chances to get a bargain are minimal at best. Similarly, you may want to state your interest in the girl you’re courting but ultimately, going overboard will prove counter-effective every time. Waiting a day or two before replying to a text message might be a real test for your patience but believe me once you get the hang of it, you will never ever want to go back to being the lovely pleasant and submissive guy that calls every day just to hear the sound of her voice. You will also find it utterly enjoyable to tease her a bit at times and get that playful loving tap on your arm. Let her work her way to you, be the challenge that will strike her curiosity. That sweet pain of wanting you and never quite getting there makes a huge part of a man’s appeal.

Yet, you don’t want to come over a merely cold and elusive. When you spend time together, make sure that sparks are flying, establish a solid emotional and sensual connection, have good fun together, enjoy tender and passionate moments and then feel free to vanish for a few days. Why? Simply because that’s what men with a strong personality and an interesting life do. Not because someone told them to but because they have a job they love, a social life, passions and pastimes. They don’t just fall head over heels and give their lives and personality away in a split second for a girl they just met. They know how to take it a step at a time and keep it exciting both for her and for themselves.

So that’s what it comes down to anytime a man meets a woman: Trick or Treat. You can play the Treat card and be the nice guy she always said she wanted. Or you can trick her and be the jerk she said she’d never fall for. Yet she will. But she will leave your sorry ass when she’s had enough.

Or better, you can be a bit of both, at all times.

And if you’re reading this, I believe that it will become second nature to you too as long as your remember that seduction and personal development should always go hand in hand. Don’t be a nice guy, don’t be a jerk, become a better and more balanced version of yourself.

Jean-Baptiste

Comments (0)