Play the Name Game

Most of my male friends and clients have quite a catastrophic memory when it comes to women’s name. I do not know for sure what the reason could be but something tells me that they are either easily distracted by a generous cleavage and long legs and/or to eager to spend the night with her to actually pay attention. Either way, it’s time you learn how to play the Name Game and quit phasing out of these crucial few seconds when she introduces herself to you. Here are some tips and insights.

A crucial phase of the game

This short moment should get your undivided attention as it crucial to be able to name someone you know. It sounds obvious, doesn’t it? Knowing someone’s name makes that person literally emerge from a crowd of unknown faces. Flattering for her and reassuring for you. Think of it: her first name is the most familiar word known to her ever since she was born. Just remember the last time you heard your name and turned around instinctively even though you are not the only Mark or David on this planet.

Practical application

If you do, as I often recommend, socialize with people straight off the bat when you enter a venue and start short spontaneous conversations with different groups of girls, then you have experienced how natural and easy-going these interactions can be. Yet, don’t let yourself get so carried away that you would leave without first knowing their names. Ideally, she will initiate the introductions giving you a first indicator of her level of interest, otherwise simply ask for it and introduce yourself. I personally like a handshake at that point so as to initiate physical contact without ever appearing needy or pushy. Most of all, the hands are an incredible indicator for her to assess your attractiveness. A study conducted by the Kinsey Institute revealed that women form very strong opinions and could actually base their choice of sexual partners on the touch of a man’s hand. So try it out and see if it works in your favour. Make sure your handshake is firm(1), a limp hand is an instant turn-off. Who would want to hold a dead squid?

If you focus and make the effort to remember names at each encounter you will soon know the barmaid, her colleague, the pretty au-pair enjoying a Thursday night off at the bar and the sister of her ex by their first name but maybe also the bouncer and his pal.

Not only will it be easier to reactivate the first impression when you bump into them again but you will find out that women tend to trust the friends of their friends more easily. For those of you interested by the construction of this social mechanism, it has been demonstrated in 2005 in a study conducted among students of the University of Ohio(2). A simple : « So, you too are a friend of Kelly ? » will be enough introduction to engage conversation. Alternatively, those of you familiar with the notions of pawning and the notion of social proof will foresee the benefits of introducing two sets of girls to one another using their first names as they will assume that you are already in good terms.

Only trouble is you will have to remember all these names.

How do you memorize all these names ?

First and foremost, you will have to develop your listening abilities. This comes with not trying to plan everything and avoid being more focused on the outcome of your convo than on the moment. It is all about being in the moment, right here, right now. The moment when she will say her name for the first time will last but a second so pay attention. If by any chance you’d miss out on it, do not hesitate to make her repeat it. Believe me it is less embarrassing than asking her later. I once dated a girl for weeks without knowing her name until she showed me her portfolio. Never again.
Use mnemotechnic devices. One I particularly like, inspired by my improvisation theater classes, is to add a adjective to her first name, both starting with the same letter. After an hour in a bar you will have the pleasure of knowing : Naughty Nathalie, Friendly Francine and Jolly Judy. Oh what a joy.

Most of all, make sure you use her name a couple of times as you talk with her or with her friends. Don’t go overboard and start every sentence with that either but it will definitely help you memorize it.

What next?

If you leave with her number, use a quiet minute to jot down some information that might prove valuable later on. Do it while it is still fresh in your mind. And I mean before you finish that sixth Bacardi of the night.

If she is a barmaid or the friend of a friend you do not have the number of yet but that you will most likely meet on a regular basis when you go out, don’t overestimate your memorizing abilities and write down her name in your phone, notepad, i-pod, laptop, phonebook or carve it in stone if you live in a cave.

In short: Getting and memorizing girls names will allow you to generate trust earlier on and to reactivate contact more easily with those you have met briefly during a party. It will also avoid some embarrassing blunders!

Jean-Baptiste

1. CHAPLIN W.F., PHILIPS J.B., BROWN J.D., CLANTON N.R., STEIN J.L. (2000) « Handshaking, Gender, Personality, and First Impressions” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79 (1), 110-117
2. MADDUX W.W., BREWER M.B. (2005) “Gender differences in the relational and collective bases for trust”, Group Processes and Intergroup Relations, 8(2), 159-171

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