How to socialize and meet women effortlessly

Living in Amsterdam is a blast. Everyone knows that. Having fun on a night out is the easiest thing. Yet, I have to wonder sometimes: how come some people have a good time while some always have a great time?

Last week, I went to Paradiso in the company of a friend I had not seen for a long time. We grabbed a drink at the bar and went around the club to get a feel of the vibe. I do have a girlfriend and I was under no pressure to perform, teach or coach my friend as he is quite versed in the art of meeting women. However, I wanted to meet people, dance, have some good laughs with him and flirt with pretty girls.

Not because I have to. I don’t.

But because it’s in my nature and I find it utterly enjoyable per se.

And so I did. I talked with girls here and there, exchanged numbers and met a cool guy with whom to play music on week-ends. I went home with a smile on my face.

But you may ask: what if I only want to bring a girl home that night or secure a date with hottest girl in the club?

Isn’t all that socializing just a waste of time?

Shouldn’t I just approach the girl I want and be done with it?

Why socializing makes you more attractive: the optimal state of mind

Breaking the ice with other people at a party sets up the right state-of-mind for an enjoyable party. 

No outcome in mind, no pressure.

Action is a sure way to get rid of the judgmental inner talk. You probably know that little voice giving you injunctions at all times and acting as a saboteur. 

Next time you catch yourself overthinking: take action. 

Even if that means socializing with a barman rather than flirting, you will find that this gets you in the flow.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in 'Beyond Boredom and Anxiety' wrote: 

"In the flow state, action follows upon action according to an internal logic that seems to need no conscious intervention by the actor. He experiences it as a unified flowing from one moment to the next, in which he is in control of his actions, and in which there is little distinction between self and environment, between stimulus and response, or between past, present, and future."

The flow state is characterized by the absence of interference from the judgmental self .  

As you get rid of inner interferences you enjoy more focus in your interactions. You no longer have to think about what to say next or rehearse it mentally before you say it. Incidently, you don't even have to think about who you're going to talk to, it can be the pretty girl you just noticed or the group of friends sitting next to you at the table.

You start listening better and reacting more spontaneously. 

Not only that but your interlocutor will notice that you are paying attention to what she says and the overall quality of the exchange will increase.

Conversations become effortless.

In addition, an open and social behavior will enable you to gain respect and trust from her friends. 

Not only you are avoiding interferences from your inner self but you’re also preventing interferences from her entourage.

Is there such a thing as being TOO social at a party?

Some students express their concern that a girl might take offence if they’re seen talking to other girls at a party.

How should you deal with that?

The way you act is conditioned by your system of beliefs.

If you truly believe that it is inappropriate to flirt with more than one girl then it will show. 

Bear in mind that we communicate at all times. If you feel embarrassed or awkward when the girl you were chatting with a minute ago sees you with another, your facial expressions and body language will express that embarrassment. 

No matter how good you think you are at concealing it. She will pick up on that and you will have a prime example of self-fulfilling prophecy.

So if you want to talk to a dozen girls, do so and lose the guilt. 

Here's an example:

Let’s say you had a great conversation with Laura when you were ordering your drink. You talked for  five minutes, it was spontaneous, effortless and you left on a high note.

Half an hour later, you are smoking a cigarette outside and you start talking with Jenny and Carlos.

Laura comes by with her friend and lights up a cigarette.

If you think of it as an awkward situation, you will either pretend she’s not there or acknowledge her presence with a nervous smile. Now, you do have an awkward situation on your hands.

On the contrary, if you are completely at ease with the fact that parties are indeed social gatherings then you will act accordingly. Either you will wink at her or introduce her and her friend to Carlos and Jenny.

In conclusion, the definitive recipe on how to have great fun at parties is to shut down the interferences of your inner self. In doing so, you are giving yourself a chance to act intuitively and see social interactions as a pleasant game.  

Stop judging yourself. Do what you want to do and say what you want to say..

You will be surprised by how simple success can be once you start trusting your innate abilities.

My coaching methods are designed to reveal your intrinsic potential rather than list and correct your flaws through a painstaking external process. Learning how to connect with women becomes fun, intuitive and results are long-lasting.

For more information contact me today.

Comments (5)

Add comment