How to mess up a first date (Part 2)

Continuing from Part 1

6. Brag Endlessly

It may seem to be the complete opposite of the previous tip but bragging is just another way to reveal a certain lack of confidence and a distorted self image.

The key to bragging like a pro is to make it sound like your whole essence consists exclusively of how much you earn, what you’ve achieved and who’ve met. Anything that would hint at even just a tiny bit of substance, empathy or wisdom should be avoided at all cost. On the other hand, take some liberties with reality and use as many generalizations as you possibly can.

 

Examples:

“I spent THE WHOLE summer in this luxurious villa with a pool and a private beach last year. My best friend owns it, he’s friend with Kanye West. We went wake boarding everyday. I’m actually really good at it. Never took lessons, everybody thought I was pro or something.”

“EVERYBODY knows me in clubs there. I’m ALWAYS on the guest list. I ONLY date models.”

7. Act sleazy

This one is tricky. If you give off a sexual vibe while actually maintaining a fun two-ways conversation, it may backfire and actually put her in the mood for a night cap. If you’re really dedicated to failing on a date, you will have to start straight away by commenting  on her breasts before she’s had time to order the first drink.

Take your most suave expression every time you give her a compliment and punctuate with “mmm”. Use plenty of vulgar innuendos and make the conversation solely about sex: If she drifts off to another subject, just look into her cleavage and switch to : “Do you like massages?”

The key here is to never acknowledge her as a person but merely as a potential one-night-stand. That should do the trick and crash that date in no time.

8. Don’t listen to her

Whatever she says comes through your left ear and out from the other. Change subjects abruptly, check messages on your phone, type messages and interrupt her mid sentence.

This works wonder when combined to either apathy, sleaziness or bragging.

I’m sure you have heard me talk about the importance of active listening. You should know that there is also something called active non-listenning. It takes a bit of practice but it’s very effective when it comes to screwing up a date: just ask the same question twice at a 15 minutes interval. If she reacts on it, just reply: “How really? You told me already? I must have been distracted.”

This is also very potent when applied to names. Try calling her Sarah at some point. If she frowns, bingo, that was not her name. Offer half a dozen random female names, in a bid to redeem yourself before you finally give up: “Sorry, I’m terrible with names. What’s yours again?”

9. Criticize everything and everyone.

Actually, at this point you may want to go even further and try a bit of negativity. Negativity works wonders when you really want to screw up a date.

It’s actually more difficult than it seems when you’re in a jolly mood so try to focus on everything negative in your life just minutes before the dates, it will make it easier to keep some consistency.

Remember: Consider she's your shrink or counselor and just spill your guts. All you have to do is talk her ear off rambling on about the state of the world, the absurdity of life and how everyone at work is so stupid. Regarding the latter, a proper office story is never as boring as when you tell it to someone that doesn’t know ANY of your coworkers. Make sure you use their full names throughout the story.

10. Talk mostly about Religion, Politics, Personal Finances and exes

In order to be effective, you will choose to focus on certain topics guaranteed to turn her off. I would recommend Religion, Politics and Personal Finances. A friend keeps a keen memory of that guy she offered a glass of wine to: “The Good Lord wouldn’t want me to I’m afraid.” 5 minutes into the date: effective.

Talking about your exes is a classic too and yield very poor results in terms of interest and attraction so you may want to try that one too. Note that the subject of exes is not limited to your exes. There are plenty of questions you can ask about her ex lovers. This will produce similarly disastrous results.

Recently, one of my female clients endured a 20 minutes rant from her date about how his ex-wife left him for another man and how he could never trust another woman again. Way to go.

(Bonus) How to wrap up your date in the most disastrous manner:  The stolen kiss.

Ideally act as if you were going to kiss her on both cheeks and on the second one, go for the lips. This is not just unmanly but also kind of creepy.

You can also just use the awkward silence technique, act as if you were about to say something and then just say: “oh no, nothing” while looking at your feet.

Congratulations, you messed up your date like a champ.

(Bonus 2) Cherry on top: a corny text message

Now add the final touch and send her a really corny text message. This a really good way to let her know how clueless you are about dating and women in general.

“Hi again sweetie, I had a fantastic time with you and miss you already. I will be dreaming of you. Big kiss.”

“Just checking if you’ve arrived home safely. Let me know. Sweet dreams xxoxxox”

If you get a second date, contact me I want to hear the full story.

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