Be mine tonight: the secrets of fantastic one-night stands

She had long black hair, clear green eyes and pouty lips. Her name sounded like she came straight out of some enchanted land and her smile was disarming. Although we hadn't learnt all that much about each other yet, it somehow seemed a good idea to walk her back home. Little did I know that I was embarking through a journey through the slums of Montreal with a dolled up pin-up by my side. I remember having to walk across a deserted parking lot in the wee hours of the morning and bumping into half a dozen dodgy characters finalizing a drug deal on the hood of a Caprice Classic. The sort of scene you enjoy a lot more in a movie than in real-life. This had been quite an epic trip and I had rarely felt so relieved to shut the door behind me. We were safe at last, I thought.

 

But my adventure didn’t stop there. The next morning, I had the privilege to meet her brother –and his biker’s gang- as I exited the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel. I have had less stressful mornings in my life, let me tell you.

 

I would have other similar stories but to come straight to the point: you don’t always know what’s in store for you when you embark on a one-night-stand. It can be great or produce some freakishly bizarre memories. One way or another, it’s rarely dull. Let me share some basic tips to make sure you enjoy your next one-night stand.

Look your best

Statistically women are less interested than men in having one-night-stands and they need more time before consenting to sexual intercourse. (Schmitt, Schackelford, 2001)  Also, women will be pickier whereas guys are more likely to lower their standards in order to get laid. (Schützwohl, 2009) Physical appearance is a crucial factor in determining whether she finds you attractive. (Feingold, 1991; Finkel&Eastwick, 2008) This doesn’t mean you have to look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney; just put all the chances on your side and look your best.

If your mother still buys your sweaters, if comfort is the single factor on which you pick a pair of shoes, then get advice. If you haven’t exercised in months and you’re starting to pack up abdominal fat, then get off your ass and head to the gym. Finally, need I mention that personal hygiene is vital? A stale breath and suspicious body odors are deal breakers.

Read signs of availability

If you want to seal the deal before last call, you will have to be on the lookout for girls sending out signs of availability. Just for tonight, you will have to resist the appeal girl sitting on the corner with a frown on her face. Prefer the ones having fun on the dance floor or circling round the bar. If you spot a couple of sideways glances and hair flicks, you found a temptress. If you maintain eye-contact for a couple of seconds, open the conversation. By the way, nothing beats simple introductions: shrewd pick-up lines are rarely as impressive as you think they are.

Take the time to build trust

You’ll read of magic formulas that will land a girl in your bed faster than you can snap your fingers. In reality, it will sometimes require a bit of time to establish enough trust for her to consider spending the night with you – no matter how attracted she is. Not only that but you may also have to deal with her friends. Once I met a lovely American tourist that was more than warming up to the idea of heading back home together. But her friend/chaperone wouldn’t let that happen, partly out of jealousy and also out of sincere concern for her friend’s safety. So I made a bold move: I took my student card out of my wallet and handed it to her. I walked my date back to her hotel the next morning and got my student card back from her protective friend.

Be playful, outgoing and take time to establish a connection with her and her friend before even trying to put her in a cab.

Top-notch Logistics

Logistic issues can ruin a passionate encounter with a Penelope Cruz look-alike. So pay attention and be prepared. You don’t want to be stranded at 4AM under the rain with a girl on your arm. Whatever attraction you felt for each other will be waning fast. I always keep the number of a taxi company in my phone. Actually, I even asked for the cell phone number of some cab drivers I sympathized with. Taxi companies are really busy on week-ends and they put you on hold forever.

Ideally your pad is nearby so you can walk or go for a 5 minutes cab ride. The said pad is reasonably clean and you are prepared for the possibility of having a guest overnight. Do you have a (clean) towel for her to take a shower? Did you change the bed sheets anytime this year? Is there a pizza box and/or a pair of socks on the couch? Sorting this out in advance rather than on the spot when she enters your apartment, will allow for a more relaxed and pleasant moment. Your place says something about you so if your living room looks like a frat house, roll up your sleeves. Also, if you live with obnoxious flat mates or with your parents, go to her place.

Once she’s comfortably sitting on your sofa sipping a glass of Shiraz to the sound of a Chet Baker tune, things should be going smoothly.

Protect yourself, protect her

STDs can be deadly. Don’t take any chances and use a condom for every sexual intercourse, without exception. A one-night-stand should be fun and neither of you should wake up the next morning worrying about potential dramatic consequences. Actually, it’s not enough to just urge you to use condoms. You have heard that before. Learn how to put them and use them right so they don’t slip or break.

The morning after

I keep hearing these depressing stories of guys who run out the door as if they had just robbed a bank. Look, maybe you had a few drinks last night and she seems less attractive in the morning light. Still, you guys had an intimate moment together and she deserved to be treated with respect. And by respect, I don’t mean waking up with a long face and a solemn declaration about your fear of commitment. Wake up, we’re in 2010:  modern women know that a one-night-stand doesn’t equal relationship. What they do expect though, and rightfully so, is that 1) you don’t make promises you won’t keep and 2) that you won’t make her regret sleeping with you. Actually, a recent study conducted at Durham University in the UK showed that women have not adapted to casual sex. The predominant negative feeling reported by women after fleeting sexual encounters was the regret of having been “used”. I personally see sex as something joyous so why not wake up with a smile and cuddle for a minute before preparing a cup of coffee? She won't think you want to marry her.

And if you’re lucky maybe, you will even get to share a couple of breakfast beers with a bunch of bikers.

 

References:

Schützwohl et al. How Willing Are You to Accept Sexual Requests from Slightly Unattractive to Exceptionally Attractive Imagined Requestors? Human Nature, 2009; DOI: 10.1007/s12110-009-9067-3

Finkel E.J, & Eastwick, P.W. (2008) Speed dating. Current directions in Psychological science, 17,193-197

Feingold (1991) Gender differences in effect of physical attractiveness on romantic attraction: A comparison across five research paradigms, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59,  981-993

Schmitt D.P, Schakelford T.K, Buss D.M. (2001) “Are men really more oriented toward short-term mating than women? A critical review of theory and research”, Psychology, Evolution and Gender, 3, 211-239

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